What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

My waist finally looks like how it did before I had kids but I didn’t lose weight. Why am I still 15 lbs from my starting weight?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

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But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

How do we write and pronounce "it's my pleasure" in Italian?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Why are US customs agents so talkative? I cringed hard when a US customs agent asked me if I was on vacation. He doesn’t need to know why I went to another country as long as I am a U.S. citizen.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Is it ok if I wear a bonnet as a person with straight hair? I used to have curly hair, but later on in life I got it treated, I’m not black, but my hair keeps getting frizzy every morning so I am considering it. Is it cultural appropriation?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Make Nazis afraid again!

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And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

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Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

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Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

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I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

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At least until the peyote kicks in ...

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

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And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...